I must be the worst blogger ever

Sooo....not having a job has really consumed my life for the past few months....but actually it hasn't. I did get a virus on my computer, so using it has been a little difficult. And I have been helping out at my church's preschool to fill the time between job searches. I must say that I love teaching preschool. I taught for quite a few years before I went into the mortgage industry, and I missed it when I was gone. Teaching preschool just fits for me. I knew that I wanted to be a teacher back when I was only 5 years old, I just always envisioned myself teaching high school English...teaching preschool was just supposed to be the temporary stepping stone. But I have been working on my English degree for YEARS now and I still don't have it and it seems that every time I try to start school up again something drastic in my life happens to make going to school impossible. Is God telling me that He doesn't want me there? Who knows? But I definitely feel that he is leading me back to preschool...I have tried to resist it, but I have not had ANY success in getting another job (which is very weird for me, I've never had this problem before) and I'm getting more attached to these kids and their families every day. So, I accepted a full time teacher position. I will be opening a new 3 year old classroom next month...yea! But, that also means that I can't afford the house that I've been living in, so we are also moving. This was a big, difficult decision to make. I've been praying constantly about it, but I've also been making myself sick with stress trying to pay the bills every month. I gave notice without having a place to go to yet....this is my big leap of faith. But I actually feel confident that it will all work out OK, God is not going to let us fall. I just have to pack and clean and move and prepare an empty classroom all at the same time......and all during the Holidays! What timing! Well, I used to think that I worked best and most efficiently under pressure, so here goes!

I expect that I will be more vigilant in posting now that I don't feel like I'm in limbo anymore...I just need to get my computer completely fixed and then we will be good to go!

Trust

Matthew 6: 24-34
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I used descibe myself as having trust issues....I just always left a little spot where I would doubt or expect to be let down in some way. But, it's very difficult to have a relationship with Jesus if you can't trust Him and there's no way for faith to grow and stregnthen if you can't trust Him completely. Wow.....easier said then done.

I lost my job last Wednesday, which is frightening as a single parent with no savings account. But, I had been working for a sub-prime mortgage lender for the past 5 years and 2007 has seen many changes and closures for a lot of lenders, so it wasn't a complete shock and I knew that the industry was never going to be long term for me anyway. Being laid off was more of a relief than anything...the other shoe had finally dropped and I could get on with my life. I don't yet know where God will lead me to next or how all of the billls will get paid.....but I just have this complete confidence that it will all get taken care of. It's wierd....I've never felt this before.

Peace

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around all day waiting for God to fill my bank account or have a new job poof out of the air.....but I know that I want to work with children again and have applied for a job that would be awesome, that I happened to see the posting for while looking to see when the library was opened. Was that a God thing? Who knows? I've also had the chance to spend time with the boys, attend back to school nights at their schools with no worries and re-organize and decorate the youth room at church. I know that I don't want to commute to San Diego or Orange County any more.....7 days ago, I didn't have time to even breathe, and now I have all the time in the world.

If my faith wasn't at the place that it is now, I would be freaking out. But trust brings peace and joy...this is such an amazing way to live.

I have a daily devotional book and this passage from Matthew was from the devotional last Saturday. I just love how God knows exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.

I pray that anyone who reads this may feel the same trust and peace that I feel.

stress and traffic

I've been freaking out a bit because on Wednesday, my senior manager called me into her office and told me that I was being transferred from the San Diego office that I have worked at for the past five years to the Orange County office.

WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK?

I work in the mortgage business.....and this business is like crack, once you get in, it's nearly impossible to get out...you get addicted to the money when business is good....and when business is bad you get addicted to the hope that business will get better soon and there will be money again....it's very exciting. I also work for a sub=prime lender....ooooohhhhhh. We've been in the news, but we are still open and funding loans and look like we will actually survive the slowness right now.

But in the mean time....business is slow, especially in San Diego. But, the OC office is hot and growing and maybe even bonusing...and they need people. At first, I freaked out. But, I'm trying to look at the positive side to all of this....and it really comes down to money, I guess. If I can make the move up there and actually make bonus, even just a small to mediocre one, that would relieve the $$ stress that I've been feeling for about 7 months now....I wouldn't have to think about moving...I could actually go out to dinner once in a while and get a new pair of shoes :-)

But, that also means OC traffic................ugh!

I have looked at the map and charted out all of the different routes....but it looks like I'm still gonna have to take the dreaded 91. Working in the OC office will add an extra 100 miles per week to my commute. Soooo glad that I bought a V8 Explorer a year ago! And since the 91 is so nasty, it will be likely be a 4 hour commute for me every day. I did find out that there is a train that runs from Riverside to Orange, but I don't know how to get from the train station to the office every day. Maybe I should look into a vespa? Who knows....I'm just trying to stay positive....I still have a job, this could be a good move for me professionally...more opportunities, new faces...blah blah.

But I'm still having trouble getting over the whole WTF aspect of it.