Why haven't I been writing?

Which is a good question....I'm not a big fan of taking a critical look at myself and my current habits...so this should be fun!
1. I've been busy
Which is true...but any busier than normal.....ummm not really.
2. I've been compartmentalizing
Ohhhh...isn't that a great word! I learned it at a youth ministry conference a few months back. I think that once I heard the term and the idea behind it...I thought to myself, "I don't think I do that, my life is an open book." And then I started to do it and just now realized that it was happening. I think it started as a way to protect myself. I recently started living a very public life where I am going to be critized and judged for everything that I do...not that it's a surprise, but I'm really starting to be aware of it happening and I have to learn how to deal with it. I avoided the blog because early on, I wrote about some very difficult things about my past. It felt great to write about it, but once I started to work so much in the church, I was ashamed of it again. It's still not something that I am comfortable talking about...even though I thought that I had resolved that issue, apparantly not.
3. It's hard to be honest with myself
Because that means I have to be honest with God. I know in my head that He already knows all of this stuff anyway...but there's something about the process of thinking of, speaking of, writing of my fears and sins that forces me to aknowledge the truth of them that it painful. I'm sure that I'm supposed to feel this pain so that I won't relive it, but it doesn't erase the fact that I'm not actively looking for ways to feel pain. I am actively looking for ways to avoid pain.

But I miss writing and I miss the honest relationship that I was having with myself and Jesus. I thought about just writing in a journal, but it's not the same...I think that I need the accountability of blogging and the community that it gave me with faraway friends.

I am recommitting to my blog, to writing and to honesty.....hooray!

where are the words?

I suppose that whenever anyone starts a blog...the first post is supposed to be about why they are blogging...what has led them to this point.....ok.....here are my reasons for starting a blog.

1. I suck at email...I'm on the computer all day at work and all night for school and really hate emailing letters and pictures....I don't know why, but it annoys me....I guess I don't find any pleasure in it, it's not personal...I also hate talking on the phone..I prefer personal, physical conversation.

2. But, I love to write...and since I've been back in school, the desire to write has been growing and I am finding that I actually have things to say, things that I need to get out. Reactions to whatever I may be reading in my lit classes that just aren't appropriate to post / discuss in class.

3. I also have many friends and family accross the country, with whom I am terrible about emailing, so I can also use this as a lazy way to keep in touch....takes some of the responsibility off me, I post and it's up to them to check it or not.

4. I have become a blog stalker lately....and it's probably creepy that I lurk around reading about other people and that kinda made me want to write one of my own even more.

Soooooo, this is me...